New Scientists - new theories designed to enhance our understanding of Life, the Universe and Everything.
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Human Attraction and female hormones in beer - Ground-breaking research unveiled!
A Study in Wisconsin has demonstrated that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ, depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is about to menstruate, it has been discovered that she has a greater propensity to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his eye sockets and a pineapple jammed seductively up his arse while he blazes from head to foot in a merry and attractive manner. Scientists in Sydney, Australia have announced the discovery of female hormones in beer. In a Government-funded study, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. Researchers observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
Where New Science breaks new boundaries, New Technology is not far behind
Scientific Researchers Discover New Element
Queens University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.
Greta Nwes for Dsyexlics!
Accdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Taht'll fcuk the splelchekcer!!